Okay, so stock futures are "ticking higher." Big deal. We're supposed to be impressed that the S&P 500 is up a fraction of a percent? Gimme a break. It's like celebrating a participation trophy. The whole market's been on a sugar rush fueled by AI hype and the faint hope that maybe, just maybe, the Fed won't completely screw things up.
And speaking of AI, Micron's up 4%? Of course it is. Every tech company that can slap "AI" on their press release is seeing a bump. It's the new dot-com bubble, except instead of pets.com, we're all throwing money at algorithms that will probably just write better spam emails.
Don't even get me started on this "seasonality boost" nonsense. The Stock Trader's Almanac says November is historically the best month? So what? Past performance is not indicative of future results, people! It's like saying I'm going to win the lottery because someone else in my state did. This is not how reality works.
Oh, and the government's still shut down. Offcourse, it is. Because apparently, grown adults can't agree on how to keep the lights on. It's like watching toddlers fight over a toy, except the toy is the entire US economy. And we're all paying the price. The jobs report is delayed? Fantastic. More uncertainty in an already uncertain world. What could possibly go wrong?
Trump's out there patting himself on the back about the surging stock market. As if he personally invented capitalism. Let's be real, the market's a casino, and he just happened to be at the table when the roulette wheel landed on his number. Doesn't mean he's a genius. It just means he's lucky... so far.
And this whole thing with the Supreme Court hearing arguments on Trump's tariffs? Seriously? We're still dealing with this crap? It's like a bad sequel that just won't end. How many years have we been arguing about these tariffs? It's exhausting.
I mean, are we really supposed to believe that any of this is sustainable? All this manufactured hype, the political gridlock, the looming threat of a recession... It's a house of cards waiting to collapse.
Eighty percent of S&P 500 companies beat expectations? That just means expectations were set ridiculously low to begin with. It's the corporate version of rigging the game. And Tom Lee from Fundstrat is out there talking about "AI spending visibility" and "financials driving innovation via blockchain." It's like reading a press release written by a robot. Wait a minute...
Ryan Detrick at Carson Research is trying to convince us that the bull market is broad-based because the equal-weight indices are hitting all-time highs. Okay, fine. Maybe there's some underlying strength. But let's not pretend this isn't still a fragile, overvalued market propped up by cheap money and wishful thinking.
Then again, maybe I'm the crazy one here. Maybe everything's fine. Maybe the robots will save us all and we'll all be living in a utopian paradise powered by blockchain and AI-generated cat videos. Yeah, and maybe pigs will fly.
